MacBeth: Everyone Dies In The End
Pros
The recently-hired CMO and CPO are intelligent, articulate women who are motivated and capable of lifting the company from its current dismal state. Benefits include TransitChek and a gym membership. Cool product. Cool office. Great Project Management team leads and directors. The HR department frequently throws small "parties" to foster team spirit and boost morale. Bless their hearts; they're trying.
Cons
The HR department also regularly demeans everyone by attempting embarrassing office events such as "speed dating" and "Hawaiian Day." Any day now there will be a face-painting station and trust falls. This isn't so much a con as it is an extreme annoyance. There exists an intense Marxist class struggle between the Sales team and everyone else- minus a few fortunate Account Managers. If you are not hired into a position that directly brings money to the company, you are immediately labeled with a large scarlet "C" (that's "C" for "C Player") and are repeatedly banged over the head with the knowledge that your salespeople colleagues are the prized pigs. Management has even gone so far as to decorate the office with signs advertising a glamorous Caribbean vacation for those who sell enough to join the Presidents Club- a club that 90% of the company is not eligible to join. Exasperated face-palm. There is a lot of general shiftiness and mischief going on in the management team. People are hired and fired based on legitimate and sensible reasons such as "She's hot", "I knew him from college", "We're related", and "You didn't seem grateful enough for Hawaiian Day." The AM management, in particular, is full of Machiavellian personalities so terrified for their own jobs that they routinely throw each other and their team members under the bus when in the presence of the All Mighty And All-Powerful Nick Taylor. Speaking of Nick Taylor, if you're very lucky, you might get invited to a painfully awkward "Breakfast with the CEO" wherein you will stare at your Pret croissant and frantically try to think of a question to ask that will make you sound smart. You will be encouraged to air your grievances, but beware: should you choose to propose any suggestions about how to better the company, you will be interrupted and chastised for being "a complainer." And should you decide to be brave and try and out one of your sadistic managers-- dig two graves first. Money. This company has serious money management issues. In this case, mo' money means mo' frivolity.
